The race isn't over yet

Just when it looked like we were winning, it turns out that the final hurdle is much higher than we thought.

Sadly cancerous cells were found in the 'margins' of the tissues that were removed last week and, after some discussion with the surgical team, I will now need to prepare for a mastectomy (and reconstruction).

This definitely seems the most sensible option, as a further lumpectomy and partial reconstruction are just not feasible.

Obviously I'm gutted. I'm still recovering from the lumpectomy and coming to terms with a wide assortment of other long term chemo related issues, and now I need to prepare for what will be major, and life changing, surgery.

I spent most of yesterday feeling pretty shellshocked. It's not that I couldn't take it in - I had prepared myself for the worst - but I just really didn't want to have to think, or talk, about it until I have all the facts available to me.

And that probably won't happen for another week or so, as I need appointments to see both the Breast Cancer Nurse and the Plastic Surgeon, as well as my Consultant. There's a lot to consider.

For example, will they use fat from my own body or an implant? The first is more natural but will leave other major scars - and might not even be possible, given my slim frame.

In order for them to judge this, I had to have some photos taken. That was surreal. I don't really know what I was expecting but going down to the hospital basement and having my boobs and bum photographed by a man with a digital camera, was quite odd.

Obviously, Mr P. was with me. Indeed, I think he took the news of my impending surgery almost harder than me. He had been so looking forward to, and needing, a "win" that he just wasn't prepared for the alternative. It was a very difficult day for both of us.

In normal circumstances then, we would probably have stayed in last night. But, no!, Mr P. is only appearing in a play this weekend and so I wanted to support him.

I'm glad I did too as it was a great show. It certainly did me good to get out and, I know I'm biased, but I thought Mr P. was excellent. I'm very proud of him. In so many ways.